I’ve been really sad lately, and lonely. I miss school, I miss my old life, I miss having a reason to get up in the morning, I don’t even know who I am anymore or what to do. I feel like I have no self confidence, none at all. All of you know that I’m not the skinnest girl in the world, I am a chubster, thicker than a snicker, but I’ve never been what I would class as thin and I’ve just always dealt with it, tried to change it a few times but I love food too much okay. I’m really sick of looking in the mirror and not seeing the person I want to be, sick of not feeling comfortable with my body, sick of people saying I would be pretty if I was skinny, it really sucks. I’ve spent almost everyday in bed for the last month, I’m like a fucking hermit crab. I’ve never really been one to post intimate and personal stuff on here, I’m never intimate or open with anyone, I’m terrified of looking weak but I feel like I need to say it to someone or write it somewhere and most of you are strangers to me. I use to be a pretty social person, always going out with friends and ect, but lately I’ve just put up all of these walls and haven’t really spoken to any of my friends, I’m very good at pushing people away. I’m ashamed of my body, ashamed of what I think about myself, I even feel like I’m embarrassing my friends when I’m with them. I’m scared to eat in public, I couldn’t have cared less a few months ago, but I’ve become so fragile and judgemental on myself lately. I’m always one to say, okay next week I’m starting a diet, next week I’ll watch what I eat, next week I’ll change myself but it never sticks but I think I’ve finally found my determination. I’ve never been this sad or this effected by my weight before and it’s such a smack in the face.

I know this post is probably very cliche and lame, but I don’t care I needed to talk to someone, I’m really sad at the moment and tumblr is suppose to be a place where I can write lame tragic shit like this.